When It’s Time to Heal, Whatever You Do Please Don’t Do it Alone

More than solitude we need the support of each other to move forward

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Photo by Katy Anne on Unsplash

This is the thing about healing. It’s personal. It’s intimate. It’s fucking messy. It’s not our prettiest most glorious self.

Some people might be quick to dismiss you because “you got issues” to say the least (which by the way is fucking selfish to say).

But the reality is — we all got issues. And if you claim you don’t then you are living a lie. It doesn’t matter if you have issues. What does matter is how you deal with your issues.

In the healing process it’s almost normalized for us to retreat, to ghost each other, to come out of a funk and then reach out for coffee. We hide. We don’t talk about what’s going on.

Healing has many faces and forms. There is no perfect way to heal. And we won’t look perfect in our healing process. The worst thing we can do is hide what our healing looks like.

Yes — your healing process is intimate, scary and vulnerable. It takes time. It is exhausting but it can also be life-changing.

I think that in order for us to truly heal we need some key tools in place.


The last thing you might want is to let someone in as you heal. It is vulnerable. It is emotional. You may not even be able to describe what the hell it is you feel.

But you also know that being alone with your thoughts for too long is driving you crazy.

This is when you must reach out. You must go and find support. A group. A class. A spiritual mentor. A therapist. A family member. A good friend.

It is in community you are welcomed exactly for who you are regardless of how you are feeling or what you are going through.

Get vulnerable

Alright, I know. I suck at vulnerability but the more I practice it the better I get, honestly.

When you are healing the last thing you want to do is fucking get vulnerable. But please for your own sake, do it.

Get vulnerable in a blog post. Get vulnerable with a good friend.

Get vulnerable in your therapy session.

It is medicine for your soul — no one else will benefit more than you.

Forget about how it sounds or if you are making any sense.

There is something incredibly powerful about getting vulnerable particularly in groups. The transformative effect of being witnessed in your process is healing and incredibly therapeutic.

If getting vulnerable with someone is hard then get vulnerable with yourself.

Be alone and write about it. Go for a walk and have a conversation with yourself.

Allow yourself to feel what needs to be felt, heard and seen — without judgment and with compassion.

Compassion, Patience, Fortitude

Healing takes time and can’t be rushed.

Some days you will feel slightly better + other days you will feel an emotional upheaval of sorts.

It’s all a part of the process. It is perfectly okay to be imperfect.

Be compassionate with yourself. Be gentle with your expectations and how much you can commit to any one thing, person or goal.

Patience is key in the healing process because at times we get frustrated with ourselves.

We get frustrated with the world. We want to feel better and it can feel like it may never happen.

But one day you will wake up and your heart will feel lighter. You will feel space. You will have a new motivation. A new fire will awaken inside of you.

Your heart will lead you to new thoughts and dreams. Goals and pursuits. And it will feel oh-so-good again to be alive and to be you.

Written by

Self-help & mental health writer. Can't do small talk. Mama. Yogi. Coffee lover. Nature explorer. Get my free meditation mini-course here: www.emilystroia.com

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