What Dating Women Taught Me About Sex and Gender Roles

sexuality doesn’t fit in a heteronormative box

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

I don’t think I have a physical type as much I do a mental type.

When I started having sex with women luckily I had partners who were more sexually experienced.

They had more knowledge on how to please a woman than I did and that excited me.

My first orgasm was with a woman who went down on me for twenty minutes.

I wanted to be in control.

For a while I dated women who were more sexually aggressive than me.

In our time together I discovered I was LOVED being the “top” or dominant in our sex life.

Autostraddle gives us a great breakdown of what it means to be a “top” in lesbian sex which basically means you are the giver more than the receiver.

There was something exciting and almost adrenaline-rushing to please my girlfriend.

It was a natural turn-on to know that she desired me to please her.

I like to think sex is a playground for creativity, freedom and pleasure.

Why hold back if you are curious?
We are human.

We only live once and life is too short to live in our fantasies only.

I think what surprised me most about being with women is that I enjoyed being the top.

If I dated a woman who was more of a tom-boy our friends assumed she was the sexually dominant one in the relationship.

It’s funny how we apply these sexual stereotypes to straight or homosexual relationships.

I wish our society didn’t assume what the sexual gender roles must be like between gay, lesbian or straight relationships.

Why do we default to this type of thinking?

Does it make it easier to understand sex if we apply heteronormative gender roles to every LGBT relationship?

June is Pride Month for the LGBT community and as a bisexual activist of this community it is one of my most favorited holidays of the year.

It is an opportunity to relate to each other and celebrate sex, sexuality and humanity.

One thing dating men and women has taught me is it is 100% okay to unapologetically you in your sexual curiosities, sexuality and desires.

Self-help & mental health writer. Can't do small talk. Mama. Yogi. Coffee lover. Nature explorer. Get my free meditation mini-course here: www.emilystroia.com

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