The search for your life partner can be exhausting especially if you’ve been looking for a while. At first, being single can be fun and an opportunity to get to know yourself. It’s the ultimate flex for self-care and “self-love” where you start seeing Instagram feeds flood with bubble bath pictures, solo date nights and adventures with friends.
At some point you start to exploring the idea of dating again and experiment with putting yourself out there. The opportunity to explore dating are within seconds. All you have to do is download an app, create a profile and start swiping right. The matchmaking and online dating industry alone is worth 3.2 billion this year. With COVID and a worldwide pandemic, you might be wondering when and if you will ever find your person.
I’m not necessarily a big believer in the idea of “one” person being everything for you. I don’t think we can be everything for each other but we can be friends, lovers and long-term partners if we share in the same vision.
It’s been almost 4 years since I met my life partner, boyfriend and father of my child. We met online on Bumble and while online dating isn’t really that unconventional to find someone my method to dating was — at least for me.
I didn’t really know how to date without getting too focused on one guy with the hopes we’d end up together. I thought it was embarrassing to be a woman dating several guys at once where it’s completely normalized for men to date many women at once and expected.
This is when I had a big mindset shift and breakthrough. Why is it okay and expected for single bachelor men to date several women but shameful for a woman to do it?
This single mindset shift empowered me to reconsider how I dated and opened up experiences for me that I otherwise may have missed out on. I not only got to see what guys were cheap, inconsiderate and not good quality men (which I was used to). But I also got to see what it felt like to be with a guy who knows how to treat a lady with respect and attention.
If you’re struggling with dating or put all your attention on one guy before getting the commitment try this strategy instead and it might lead you to the right one.
- Date several people at once — This doesn’t mean have sex with everyone but give yourself ample chances to explore dating and keeps your attention off of just one guy. You might find yourself attracted to one a lot but it’s up to him to show you if he’s into you. You don’t have to chase to get what you want and deserve.
- Get a fuck buddy — You might want to sleep with the guy you really like right away but hold off. Sleep with someone you know you aren’t emotionally invested in. Having sex with someone you like can create confusion and heighten your emotional attachment.
- Take your time — Get to know several guys at once and take your time. The right guy will show up consistently and not promise you more than he what he can give.
- Date emotionally available people — If he tells you he’s not ready for a committed relationship, he’s not ready for a committed relationship. Listen to his words and don’t try to change his mind. You will end up getting your hopes up only to go through a “breakup” even though you were never really together.
- Be honest — From your dating profile to your actual dates, be honest about who you are and what you want. This will weed out the guys who aren’t worth your time and you will attract exactly what you are desiring.
- Trust your intuition — Your intuition is unconscious insight that can guide you to make faster, more accurate decisions with confidence. Trust your inner voice with dating. If something feels off or good with someone, you’re probably right.
- Think out-of-the-box — You might have an idea of what you want your future person to “look like”, or do for “work” but sometimes this list can really stop us from an awesome relationship.
Dating comes with a long list of things we are looking for in a partner. Look at your list and see what are your “deal breakers” and where you can be flexible with what you’re looking for.
Give this dating approach an honest try and notice the results. It might be a little uncomfortable but discomfort could lead you to growth, life lessons and potentially your life partner.