The Unexpected Rites of Passage in Motherhood

on loneliness and re-discovering who you are

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Photo by Dakota Corbin on Unsplash

It’s everything and more. The only thing is sometimes I feel like I don’t know who I am outside of motherhood.

I constantly am asking myself, “Who am I?”.

“What do you mean?

No one told me about the unexpected rites of passage in motherhood.

No one told me about the paradox of motherhood.

Sure, I got plenty of unsolicited advice.

Overnight I felt a psychological shift.

Out of nowhere I had an inkling that I need to be extra mindful of how I was taking care of myself.

The unexpected rites of passage no one tells you about.

Nine or so months later I gave birth to my son.

The love I have for him I have never experienced in my entire life.

It brings me to tears.

My entire being felt foreign to me.

My body had just given birth to a human.

A rite of passage on its own.

About 99.99999% of the time my mind was and is consumed by my son.

There was a surprising loneliness to motherhood that I didn’t expect.

The privilege of being a stay-at-home mom comes with one con.

The identity shift we might experience.

It almost feels like some type of identity crisis.

“Who am I anymore?”, a question I have often asked myself.

I feel like I am on a journey of re-inventing who I am in motherhood.

Birthing a new you.

Motherhood can create a new identity for us.

Our “motherhood mind” will be there for the rest of our lives but may not always be front and center.

I remember reading somewhere that we aren’t “losing ourselves in motherhood” but finding ourselves again.

There is a strange paradox to motherhood where we can experience this beautiful gift of life and yet feel confused about who are.

It takes a while to re-define ourselves.

We aren’t alone in this journey.

Through the loneliness and identity shifts, perhaps we are like caterpillars in cocoons.

Written by

Self-help & mental health writer. Can't do small talk. Mama. Yogi. Coffee lover. Nature explorer. Get my free meditation mini-course here:

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