Member-only story
Please Stop Asking Why Doesn’t She Just Leave
the grey area of abusive relationships
For the longest time I wondered why my mother couldn’t just leave my abusive father who also sexually abused me.
In fact as a kid I begged her to leave him.
I imagined that when I grew up I’d save her from him. She would live with me and finally leave him. We’d be free together and live a normal life.
I grew up — 33 years later I didn’t save her from him.
The truth is she never left my father.
She still lives with him to this day.
I resented her for years. I felt abandoned by her. I feel sad that she is still there but she has a choice regardless if she realizes it or not.
Despite her neglect as a parent I understand why she “chooses” to stay.
“Why don’t you just leave him?”
It is easy and somewhat careless to ask a victim of abuse why don’t they just leave. However I think for the victim it is much harder to answer.
There is a grey area in abusive relationships.
It is more complicated than a six-word question.
