How to Say No Without Feeling Shame

Set boundaries and say no with confidence.

Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash

All my life I have struggled with saying NO.

Because I grew up in an abusive house I quickly learned to not voice what I wanted or what I needed.

I also quickly learned that me saying NO wasn’t heard or respected. I feared the consequences greatly if I stood up for myself.

If I told my father NO the consequences were scary.

I was name called.

I was criticized and told I would be nothing in the world.

I was blamed and accused for instigating his sexual attraction to me.

He would say it was my fault for his actions and feelings.

Therefore NO wasn’t a safe word for me. And when it came for me to go out in the world I struggled with saying NO.

I became a people pleaser. I became someone who was passive aggressive.

I exploded on people after ignoring my feelings and needs.

I scared people because I was unstable in my communication. I was rocky in setting boundaries. I sent mixed messages.