How to Rebuild a Relationship with an Estranged Parent

Emily Stroia
4 min readOct 19, 2020

It’s not easy but you can do it

Photo by Marco Bianchetti on Unsplash

A little over a year ago I stopped talking to my mother. When I was a little girl we had a close relationship and then things changed. She became more abusive and distant as I got older. When I left and joined the Navy I wanted us to sustain a relationship but it was at the expectation that she’d change and be the mom in my fantasies of a perfect mom/daughter relationship.

We had a tumultuous relationship due to many reasons. For one, she was mentally ill and I couldn’t understand mental illness. Two, she was still living with my father who sexually abused so naturally I felt like she chose him over me which in fact, she did for a long time.

We reconnected after her last suicide attempt and kept in touch for years but I realized that it was doing more harm than good for me since she was still living with my father.

It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to her but it was the best thing I could have done for myself to heal and assert my boundaries.

Less than a year later after we stopped speaking my father passed away and we reconnected. I was curious to see how she was coping with his death but had no intention to sustain communication. One thing that surprised me was her demeanor changed significantly. She was much more…



Emily Stroia

Psych therapist in training. I write about mental health, trauma, well-being, and spirituality. Stay for a while.