All day I have felt irritated. A conversation triggered me.
Someone I grew up with betrayed my trust.
Not only to me but to our family. To our tribe.
He led us on a journey of lies and false promises.
I felt manipulated and hurt. He was once my best friend and now we do not speak.
This story has been taking up space in my mind.
I need to hear myself tell the story. To write about it. To put it in perspective.
I felt my body shake with anger. My eyes popped out of my skull with disappointment as I discussed how upset I was.
For a moment, I was hooked into the anger and resentment I felt towards him which is sadness.
I am sad that we no longer have a relationship. I am sad that I lost my best friend.
What do you do when someone you love hurts you?
Betrays your trust and becomes someone ugly?
How do you practice forgiveness? How do you move on?
I felt upset in myself for getting so upset.
However the truth is I am still upset. But I don’t need to hate a sick person.
That’s just not who I am.
I realized that unconditional love is having boundaries.
Unconditional love is having boundaries.
Before I knew the meaning of unconditional love my definition of it was something along the lines of being a doormat for someone.
After some serious self-work and therapy I have a new definition of unconditional love and it is not being a doormat.
Unconditional love is forgiveness. Compassion. And self-respect.
Despite my hurt feelings at the core of my being are these values.
If we don’t practice forgiveness and compassion our anger turns into resentment and becomes toxic.
We get sick. Emotionally and even sometimes physically.
To free myself from getting hooked I say a prayer.
A mantra that reminds me of the bigger picture. Of who I am.
I prayed for him. I prayed for myself.
I prayed a mantra I have prayed before.
May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you find freedom from suffering.
May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I find freedom from suffering.
Finding forgiveness is a practice that needs to be nurtured. Otherwise we will forget who we are.
Try this and practice it as often as needed.
May we be happy. May we be well. May we be safe. May we find freedom from suffering.