Escaping the grip of heartbreak is like trying to climb out of quicksand before you are swallowed by the pain. Once it all hits you all you can do is try to come up for air and tell yourself to do the one basic thing you’ve been doing since birth, breathe. There are many ways to process heartbreak. We develop these patterns on how to cope with the pain and then these patterns become our second nature. Some of us go inward and retreat. Some of us work until the sun rises. Some of us just focus on the positive and completely avoid any negative thoughts. And some of us just make a mess out of our sadness. I’m that girl. …
You will never be the perfect parent but you can find grace.
Do you ever just feel like a complete idiot in parenting? The mom guilt is strong today. After losing my patience with my son I just want to crawl in a shell and whip myself for being an ass.
Why couldn’t I be more patient? Why didn’t I try that one technique I read in the positive parenting book for conscious parents? Why can’t I be like the Instagram mom who seems to just have her shit together all the time? Is that even real?
Some moments and days I feel like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing and I ask myself why I signed up for motherhood. But then my son looks me in my eyes and says “ove you mama” and all my self beat-up melts away. I’m constantly trying to be better in all ways in my life and sometimes it’s an exhausting journey. …
It’s not easy but you can do it
A little over a year ago I stopped talking to my mother. When I was a little girl we had a close relationship and then things changed. She became more abusive and distant as I got older. When I left and joined the Navy I wanted us to sustain a relationship but it was at the expectation that she’d change and be the mom in my fantasies of a perfect mom/daughter relationship.
We had a tumultuous relationship due to many reasons. For one, she was mentally ill and I couldn’t understand mental illness. Two, she was still living with my father who sexually abused so naturally I felt like she chose him over me which in fact, she did for a long time. …
The search for your life partner can be exhausting especially if you’ve been looking for a while. At first, being single can be fun and an opportunity to get to know yourself. It’s the ultimate flex for self-care and “self-love” where you start seeing Instagram feeds flood with bubble bath pictures, solo date nights and adventures with friends.
At some point you start to exploring the idea of dating again and experiment with putting yourself out there. The opportunity to explore dating are within seconds. All you have to do is download an app, create a profile and start swiping right. The matchmaking and online dating industry alone is worth 3.2 billion this year. …
For the longest time I kept falling for the wrong guys. They all had one thing in common — they were emotionally unavailable. I craved a relationship but yet I couldn’t get honest with myself. So I played games like the “I’ll wait to respond so I don’t look too desperate” or the “I don’t want a relationship but I secretly do”.
For nearly 6 months I had a series of short dating relationships from 1-night-stands to month long flings that fizzled. I got the guys who just wanted sexual relationships, the married men, the cheaters, the heartbroken divorced men and the polyagamous men. If I slept with a guy on the first date I got super attached and couldn’t just do sex. I always craved more attention and more time together. A friends-with-benefits relationship just wasn’t sustainable for me long-term. …
Cheating is a complicated subject. There are many layers to what defines infidelity in a relationship. Most often it’s assumed a partner in the relationship had sex with another person outside of the relationship. While cheating is often assumed to be a physical act you hear of relationships ending over discovered secret sexual text messages, random exes popping up, and porn subscriptions.
Each couple has their own idea of commitment and what constitutes infidelity in the relationship.
Marriage vows state that you will be committed through thick and thin. But what happens if someone in the relationship cheats? …
Self-work is the hardest work but worth it.
Do you ever notice how we tend to shift responsibility of a toxic relationship solely to the other person? It’s so easy to think that if we just end this toxic relationship we no longer will have the problems we have or better yet — not attract another toxic partner again. Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why are you attracting toxic partners?
This is a question I asked myself many times in the past. I thought I was destined to be with only broken toxic people because of my childhood. I also thought that if I just stopped this pattern of behavior of falling for a toxic person that I’d someday have a successful healthy relationship. …
Self-care is many things including pleasing yourself
For the longest time, I thought of masturbation as a thing you do with someone else or if I was horny I’d masturbate. Sometimes I did it to relieve stress or help me fall asleep. I’ve usually enjoyed my partners masturbating me or us masturbating together and it’s been a part of sexual life for a long time.
I started masturbating when I was probably 4 or 5 years old. My parents let us watch R-rated movies and so I learned about the idea of sex very young. I remember dry-rubbing my large teddy bear and feeling pleasure in my clitoris. …
The day my mom attempted suicide I immediately hopped on a bus from New York City to Virginia to visit her. It had been a nearly a year since we had last spoke out of my own resentments around her not protecting me from the sexual abuse with my father. I knew she wasn’t doing well but I didn’t know how bad she had really gotten. In my family we are all pretty intuitive and a few weeks before her suicide attempt the universe sent me a sign. My cousin had a dream we walked into my parents’ house and found blood on the floor. When she told me the dream my skin shivered. …
Don’t let desperation compromise your self-worth
An ex messaged me recently a long text message out of nowhere. It would have been 8 am her time, 5 am my time.
We are friends and do keep in touch but I was surprised to wake up to a novel of messages from her. It’s not like her to randomly text me or text me a novel at 8 am in the morning.
She had developed feelings for her friend and roommate and needed someone to vent to about her frustration with the relationship. After getting vulnerable and sharing her feelings with the roommate, they decided to take it slow. …
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